Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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