Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.