would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
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My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.