Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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