i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
