Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
