Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
