if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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