I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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