I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
