Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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