hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
babies were throwing up all over the place
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
