I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he just fucked me for my cheese.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
