I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
