Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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