Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i dont even know how to be here
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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