Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
