note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
