The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
