i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
