you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
