How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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