I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
