Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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