He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
