hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
