Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
