so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
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You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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