shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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