he shaved USA in his pubs
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
