i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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