I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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