I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize