I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
