He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
