My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
