even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
