i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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