it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
