Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm both gender and math confused
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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