i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
