i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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