Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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