My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
