Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
