how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
