i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
