There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
