apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
