i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
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He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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