I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
