I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
