It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
