weddingsv make me drug and hornr
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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