I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
