Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
