I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
