he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
