so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
