I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
