You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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